Space For Doubt

There are some who assume a person deconstructing must have some negative driving experience pushing them down this road. There must have been some past religious trauma for this to happen.

It can be true, absolutely! But it’s not a requirement, and the entirety of the motive can simply be….because it was my time. No one can predict what will ignite the fire of curiosity and doubt.

A few months ago some family friends visited. They are VERY conservative in every sense of the word.

We had a fairly in-depth discussion spanning science, politics, and religion. I let them drive the discussion and maintained a calm and reasoned demeanor through the whole thing. They remarked “You are obviously very well read and informed.”

What struck me as interesting though was I received a letter from them later on. In it, there was a line that said I should “stop letting my logic get in the way of what God says.”

I see what they are likely getting at, but I fundamentally disagree. God Himself has told me nothing. The bible has told me things. Other people have told me things. God’s first book of creation has revealed things about Him to me.

I can separate my “sinful thoughts” from my logic. In my mind those are two very different things. The danger I feel is that there is this pressure to reclassify all thoughts that disagree with what the church says as dangerous thoughts. Now that…is dangerous.

We are created in God’s image. That means our intellect, our curiosity, our logic…the whole kit and caboodle. God gave us brains and I believe He firmly expects us to use them to the greatest extent possible. I can question the church and even the bible without offending Him. If you think otherwise, then I have news for you my friend. You are greatly underestimating God’s sovereignty, wisdom, and love to handle your doubts.

God =/= the bible and the bible =/= God.

I have kept this concept front and center in my deconstruction. The God I believe in today has space for my questions. He has space for my doubts. Rather than get offended by them, He takes pride in my utilization of the brain He gave me to try and get to the truth.

I guess to bring this back to a close, people span the range from wet leaves to a dry pine tree. A small spark won’t be enough to set most ablaze. I’ll get to that in a future post.

It seems in my case, as silly as it sounds, an audiobook was the “why”. I can point to a lot of small things that built up the kindling for the fire, but that spark….you just never know where that’ll come from.

Peace.